Kindness

Today I had an encounter with a less than kind human being. It was painful and heartbreaking and hit me so hard that it felt like I had the wind knocked out of me. But that isn’t what I want to dwell on...what I want to remember about this exchange is the response of my coworkers. (For those who don’t know, I work for a small non-profit with only 11 employees - including myself.) As word of this encounter spread, I was met with support, love, hugs - I was met with kindness. I know that kindness doesn’t doesn’t cancel out rudeness entirely, but what I do know is that kindness makes it hurt a little less - the tears dry, the anger subsides, and love and kindness win. So, I’m thankful for this less than kind exchange - it caused my character and integrity to grow a little, but more than that it reminded me of how blessed I am to have the work family I do, and that everyone is fighting their own battles - be kind even in the face of adversity.

Queen of Katwe

I took three of my nanny kids to see the movie Queen of Katwe a bit ago at the coolest little cinema in downtown Tacoma. (If you haven't had a chance to check out The Grand Cinema, I highly recommend it!) Between six different trips to the lobby, constantly refilling popcorn trays and drinks, and trying to explain to a four year old why we don't punch the movie screen, I think I saw a total of about ten minutes of this (highly anticipated) movie. I walked out a bit annoyed and resolved to go see it again by myself. Every ounce of irritation suddenly melted away as Lila turned to me and said, "You love Africa...and me! This was your favorite night ever with me!"

Over the next 40 minutes I listened as all three of them went on and on about how badly they wanted to go to Africa. Every so often one of them would pipe up with a question about why they "talked differently" or if I had been to one of the places in the movie or met some of the people from the movie while I lived there. I would respond and back they went to giggling and dreaming of their future adventures.

On that ride home I was reminded of my feelings the first time I returned to the US from Sierra Leone. I had just spent months in a place that I was now completely in love with, and I wanted so badly to share that love with others. I wanted them to understand, even just a little bit, how incredible this place was. I grew angry and resentful when my words betrayed me and refused to do Africa justice. That anger has since subsided, not necessarily because I have found the words, but because I have learned to accept that they simply won't ever meet that need.

What I failed to recognize this evening as I walked out of the theatre a bit miffed at my lack of actual screen time, was that this movie was doing exactly what my words haven't been able to. While I only saw ten minutes, the other two hours opened the eyes of three incredible kids, and showed them what my words couldn't. It gave me the opportunity to share something I love so much with three kids I love more than life itself.

I guess that is kind of what nannying is all about - creating opportunities through experiences that open the eyes of wee ones regardless of the apparent cost to myself. Missing most of a movie, getting dirty while stomping through mud, looking like a crazy person as I dance down the grocery store isle "because that's what princess warriors do!" - They are all such a minuscule price to pay for the joy and enlightenment of a child.

I'll be the first person to tell you how blessed I am to have the job I do and live with the family I do. I don't ever, for a second take either for granted, but the busyness of life can eclipse this at times. I'm thankful for nights such as this one that bring me back down and adjust my focus.

My silence is a luxury...

I was having a discussion with a peer about racism when I was told, "It [racism] isn't an issue up here - only down in the south". I was a  bit taken aback by her statement. Then I began to think about the racism I've witnessed. It wasn't necessarily that racism was less prevalent, but it was, for the most part, incredibly subtle. I have never lived in the south, nor have I ever visited for any length of time so I can't speak to that region specifically, but I have lived in the Pacific Northwest my entire life, and have seen no shortage of racism in my short 24 years of life:

The woman who clutches her purse when she passes a black man.

The man who moves his family to a 'safer' neighborhood when the percentage of minorities rises too high.

The jogger who crosses the street rather than run by a pair of black men standing on the sidewalk.

The shop keeper who follows the black man around the store, and ignores the white, middle aged woman (who, statistically speaking, is more likely to be shop lifting).

The list goes on...

I read an interview from Noisey between Slava Pastuk and Donald Glover. Glover explains a situation wherein he walked up to an ATM machine, and the person in front of him grew increasingly agitated and uncomfortable. So Glover moved to the side and let the man finish his transaction. Glover comments to Pastuk, "I don't think white people know how much effort in my day is put into making them feel comfortable." This is the type of racism I've witnessed time and time again.

I was raised in an urban area and from a young age I was influenced to believe these same stereotypes and give in to these same attitudes - but I would never consider myself racist - I have black aunts, uncles, my own mother is half black. No one with black loved ones could be racist, right? Wrong. This is racism, arguably more subtle, but that doesn't change the fact that this attitude is racism. It is more subtle, but is it less harmful? Am I really 'lucky' to live in a place where racism is more subtle?  Or is the subtlety a hindrance to any progress because not all notice the acts being committed? Regardless of whether or not I notice racism in my local community, I know that it still goes on elsewhere, and injustice anywhere is still injustice everywhere.

It has been said that silence is an action - and I couldn't agree more - or be more guilty of this. I've been passive for fear of being considered a racist rather than ignoring the political correctness of such issues and fighting against the actual issue of racism. I've struggled with figuring out my place in this fight. How do I stand with a group of people who are oppressed by others who look just like me? Is it okay for me to say anything at all? Or is it my position to keep my mouth shut and simply not contribute to the fight on either side? Is it at all possible for me to completely assimilate with others fighting for the eradication of racism? Does any of that even matter? If I see wrong-doing should I care at all about any of my inhibitions? Is it not my duty to stand up for the oppressed and ensure justice for all?

Anyone who knows me knows how passionate I am about the people of Africa, specifically West Africa. I make sacrifices financially, physically, and mentally to help bring justice to a downtrodden people group. This is a passion that burns so brightly within me - why shouldn't that passion for justice overflow into my time here in America?

The argument has been made that 'ALL lives matter' not just black lives. Of course they do! The point of 'black lives matter' isn't saying that no others do. I heard an analogy that so perfectly describes this - If a house in a subdivision was on fire, the fire department wouldn't show up and start spraying water on all the houses. They would spray water on the home that was burning because it is the one that needs help the most. 'Black lives matter' isn't about supremacy or creating a further divide - it is about extinguishing the flames of inequality and injustice that have so fiercely burned for hundreds of years.

I'm not naive enough to believe that there will come a time when injustice is eradicated entirely, but I am no longer willing to stand idly by, in the luxury of silence that white privilege has granted me, and not do anything to move towards becoming a nation that practices what it preaches - freedom, liberty, and justice.

What are you willing to risk to create a more just society?

Five Blessing In My Life...

Day Five: What are five blessings in your life?

I have really been struggling the last five months. I faced a personal crisis that completely turned my life upside down, and pushed me into a downward spiral of depression and anxiety. In the midst of a depression, sometimes it is so hard to see the light and remember the good in life. Now that I'm slowly pulling myself back out of the hole I've lived in for far too long, I have spent some time thinking about incredibly blessed I am to be where I'm at, with the people I'm with, doing what I do, and thought this would be the perfect time to share.

1. My Job - I nanny for four different families, and while there are moments when my work schedule is absolutely insane and it feels like I might never not be covered in spit up, cutting the crusts off of PB & J sandwiches, or being asked how to spell something, I absolutely LOVE what I do. I get to spend my days loving on, teaching, and learning from seven kiddos, and I wouldn't want to be doing anything else. The kids I've cared for have completely changed me for the better, and I will forever be indebted to them for teaching me patience, unconditional love, and how to see things through news eyes.

2. My Friends - I'm not a very social person, but I have been blessed with a core group of friends who bring so much joy to my life. The love and support they shower over me on a constant basis is ridiculous. I'm so unworthy, and the immense blessing that they are is not lost on me.

3. My Bosses - I honestly have a hard time calling them that because they are so much more than just my bosses. Chances are, if you've had one conversation with me, you've heard me rant and rave about how awesome they are. They are two of the most down-to-earth, intelligent, and kind people I've ever met. They open their home (and hearts) and have loved me without judgment or condemnation - even when I have deserved it. I am so blessed to have bosses whom I consider family.

4. My Schooling - I've lived in places where school is a privilege, not a right. It is so easy for me to get in a rut where I get so sick of school, and just want to be done. How grateful I am to have experienced the other side of that, and have a reminder of how blessed I am to have the opportunity to go to school and get an education.

5. Social Media - I have a bit of a love/hate relationship with social media. I really struggle with the lack of authenticity on sites like Facebook and Instagram, but over the last few months I have experienced the tremendous benefits of social media. Through the rough period I've recently experienced, social media has allowed me to find support and comfort with other who are experiencing the same. It has provided me with an outlet, and a community that wasn't available locally.

Someone Who Inspires Me...

Day Four: Who is someone who inspires you?


I'm not a "people person". I don't do small talk. I'm not bubbly. I don't immediately click with most people. That's just not who I am.

In spite of all of this, I somehow have managed to surround myself with the most incredible people, and today, I thought I would share just how wonderful five of those people are. (Yes, I cheated and chose five people instead of one, but they are one family so I'm counting it!)

I interviewed with the Sloaf family just over a year ago to work one day a week watching their three kids. I remember walking away from that interview thinking how incredible this family was, and how excited I was to work for them. Little did I know that eight months later I would be moving in with them, and the people who were once my bosses and charges would soon become an extension of my family.

Andy and Mindy are absolutely incredible parents; like the best. If, when it is my time to become a mom, I am half the parent that they are, I'll be in good shape. They are so present, engaging, and intentional. I've been nannying for a while now, and can clearly see that being a parent is no easy task, but these two make it look like second nature. Living with them, getting to watch the ins and outs of what a healthy marriage and family looks like has been eye opening. How grateful I am for the tangible example they set.

Daisy epitomizes loyalty. She loves her siblings with a fierceness that only a big sister can. (This also means that she can antagonize her siblings like no one else can...) She is the first one to run to her sister's aid with hugs and comforting cuddles when she is upset, and the first to run for help when someone gets hurt. She may not love broadly, but she loves deeply, and reminds me of how important it is to cherish those we hold close - something too easily forgotten.

Torin has the role of "antagonistic little brother" down PAT. He knows exactly how to push my buttons and how far to push them. There is never a dull moment when Torin is around. He keeps me laughing and reminds me to never let fear keep me from exploring. He is constantly asking to show me how high he can climb the tree out back or show me what contraption he has made for his treehouse. Thank you, Torin, for showing me that adventure awaits around every corner. I just have to let go and follow it.

Lila; oh Lila. Intelligent, verbose, stubborn Lila. So much personality in such a tiny person. She is my buddy, my partner in crime, my wingman. I treasure the days we spend causing a ruckus around town. She is a ray of sunshine in my life, and I am so thankful that in the midst of a season of heartbreak and uncertainty, this wee one swooped in and glued the pieces back together with her endless belly laughs and tiny hugs and kisses.

The last year of my life has been rife with instability and uncertainty. For a control freak like me, it has been a struggle...and that is putting it lightly. But I have peace knowing that I am exactly where I am supposed to be, with the people I'm supposed to be with. The Sloaf family welcomed me with open arms, and I am indebted to them for inspiring me to constantly strive for what is truly important in life.