"I made You promises a thousand time. I tried to hear from Heaven, but I talked the whole time. I think that I made You too small, and I never feared You at all. If You touched my face would I know You? If You looked into my eyes could I behold You?" - Addison Road
It was exactly one year ago today that I was admitted into Blue Shield Hospital in Freetown, Sierra Leone, and with all that has happened since then, I don't feel that I have made the slightest forward movement in my relationship with Christ. I don't know if I'm as changed as everyone says that I am. Since the day I walked off the plane at SeaTac Airport, I have been pushing God further and further away...and I don't even know why.
It is in this uncertainty, confusion, and pain that I have decided to let go of every inhibition that I have, stop setting standards for myself based off of those around me, and just dive head first into my relationship with Christ. I'm done making promises that I can't keep, and I'm going to start holding myself accountable for my words, actions, and maintaining my relationship with Christ.
Up until this point I have been selfishly viewing my relationship with God as a semi-one way street where I would pray when I want something or when someone asked me, but then in return I expected Him to give me the world. It is this selfish way of thinking that has gotten me into the position I am in now, and I want out.
So here it goes...my new beginning. :)
No comments:
Post a Comment